HollaDaddy.com

Identity used for this conversation:

“HollaDaddy”

Victim’s name:
Bling Hustlaz

Photo:

This fine up and coming urban musical group added me as a friend to their Myspace account

My message to them:
I’ll hit you up with a tire iron if yo all step ass into compton

punkass goof bees.

Their response:
you’re so tough

learn to spell

Me:
We should have an over-myspace spelling bee. OK. Spell glockenspiel.

Them:
OK. S-U-C-K-M-Y-D-I-C-K-B-I-T-C-H

Do I win?

Me:
You dumb face. There’s no H in glockenspiel.

Identity used for this conversation:

“HollaDaddy”

Victim’s name:
$ Mz.Independent$

Photo:

My message to her:
sup truckbanans?

Her response:
sup papi lol nuthin jus travlin on the road still

Me:
oh yea? where u travelin 2? whoretown?

Her:
yes lol… no jus georgia n why did you ask whoretown lol

Me:
ahh no reason. I have some ex girlfriends that live there.

So wuts tha big attraction in georgia, mamicakes?

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Identity used for this conversation:

“HollaDaddy”

Victim’s name:
A True Bad Bitch

Photo:

My message to her:
Well hello there. How are you this evening, fine bitch?

Her response:
watz gud

Me:
I haven’t a clue. A cross between gum and mud? You’re a sick fucking bastard.

Her:
IM NOT KNW BASTARD HOMIE

Me:
I want to smother you with gud and make passionate love to you.

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Identity used for this conversation:

“HollaDaddy”

Victim’s name:
pRiNcEsS TaMmy bOo

Photo:

Bulletin she sent to her friends:
i cant believe that i graduated a year ago. time has flown by. things are so different from the way they used to be. a year ago i was just a kid so happy to be done with high school. now im an adult trying to make my way in this world. thinkin about graduation and grad night gives me chills. to my grads..make it the best. u only do it once. congrats 09! special congrats to trevor an sasha. love you guys.

My response:
SPURGLEBOOZERS.

Her:
spurgleboozers?

Me:
Yup. How many do you want?

Her:
ummm..17.

Me:
Oooooooooooooooooooo.. you dirty dirty girl.

Her:
hahaha. i dont even know what spurlgeboozrs are.

Me:
It’s when I take a dump in your hair and then smash your face in with a Golden Girls DVD box set until I achieve orgasm. I just placed the order for season 1 on Amazon.com. Where do you want to meet up to make this happen?

No response.

Me:
Should I go ahead and order Season 2? They’re offering free shipping today.

Identity used for this conversation:

“GhettoPhresh”

Victim’s name:
Shandrel

Photo:

My message to him:
Tazsmazzles! You wanna go out for a drink some time maybe? We should hit up a club sometime and get to know each other.

His response:
LET ME KNOW WHEN…!

Me:
Never, homopants! lolololololol!

Him:
CUZZ,U GOT ME FUCC’D UP CRIP WHO THA FUCC R YOU,ANY WAY CUZZ.??
AND WHY U GOT THA HOOD ON YOUR PAGE…

Me:
I think you just showed me the keyboard equivalent to stuttering. Try again. This time make sure people can understand what the fuck you’re trying to say, honor roll.

Him:
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU.DID YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!!I SEE YOU PUTTING THA HOOD IN THA AIR,BUT U AIN’T SAYINY SHIT!!!!

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Identity used for this conversation:

“GhettoPhresh”

Victim’s name:
victor

Photo:

Message he sent me:
hi miss, whats up cute lady, let me introduce myself to you, my name is victor, im 25, let me just say you are cute and very Attracvie as a lady and im Interested in you and would like to talk to you, please send me a message, bye for now.

My response:
hi there creepo, what do you like to do for fun?

Him:
hi, whats up, thats cool you want to talk to me and what i like to do for fun is, i like to go fun places like disney land, sea world, la auto car show, go to a laker game, shop. draw art, listen to music, watch tv shows like bad girls club, i like history, its a lot more i like to do for fun, so what fun places do you like going to, im asking you so if we were on a date i wont be guessing, because i would want you to have fun too, please send me a message, bye for now.

Me:
mmmmmmmmmmmm Disneyland makes me sooooooo wet

Him:
hi, whats up, so you said disneyland makes you so wet, that you love it, one day i will have my dad get tickets so me and you can go, but i just want to tell you this and it been on my mind last night, that i dream of one day me and what ever lady im with, which i hope it be you, that we go to paris and set on the paris tower and i hold that lady tight so she wont fall and we look at the bright water and see the whole city of paris and then go to out of space and see all the stars and planets, and then walk on the moon, if thats with you, would you like that, its a real dream, please send me a message, bye for now.

Me:
Oh baby that’s so sweeet. I would love to be that gurl for u.

Lakendra.

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Identity used for this conversation:

“GhettoPhresh”

Victim’s name:
How can u be soft in a world made of stone?

Photo:

My message to him:
nicca, i wanna get wit chu.

His response:
fo sho, give me 5 good reasons y along with ur name and number…

Me:
Mah name’s Lakenda. And here’s the 5: pussy, ass, tits, mouth, fists.
So wut u lyke 2 do for fun, cockbreath?

Him:
naw, turn bitches like u out and make my money, so drop ur digits and we’ld push that line…

Me:
You make my cock so hard.

Him:
lol lmao lol, so ur one of those dudes that be fiening of being something close to a woman? lol

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Identity used for this conversation:

“GhettoPhresh”

Victim’s name:
Streetz

Photo:

My message to him:
I want you inside of me.

His response:
thats what im talkin about lol and ik wont 2 be in side of you lol so whats popin win we goin 2 make this happin

Me:
What are you doing tonight?

Him:
shit ik dont no yep but whats your nuber 4 ik can call you so we can make this happin

Me:
God, I’m so wet.

Him:
is that right

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Identity used for this conversation:

“GhettoPhresh”

Victim’s name:
Rum

Photo:

Message he sent me:
whats poppin get at a homie asap

My response:
I tooks yo advizzles and gots wit a homie and mah pussay puddin wuz deffintly poppin. Shizsham catfungles.

Him:
thats what time it is baby gurl u know a nigga was wanting to show love to the female homie and shit much love and respect to ya and shit,but whats good i got alot of shit to mack wit u about thats if u dont mind baby gurl get at a homie when ever

Me:
i wants u 2 shit much love all ova me. SON, u straight up TRACKIN’. I thinks we needs 2 get togetha.

Him:
lol,our time will Bum ruby. we gon mack one day.where do u stay at baby gurl? i really wanna get in bontact wit each other u feel so we ban 414 bout some shit ill shoot my number

Him:
u might need to prep yo self bause im no joke in bed,now!but my number is xxx-xxx-xxxx

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Identity used for this conversation:

“GhettoPhresh”

Victim’s name:
MICHAEL

Photo:

Does this guy look familiar? He should.

Message he sent me:
What’s good with you, Can I take a minutes away from your time to get to know you? What is your name? My name is Michael. Do you think I can talk to you on a personal level to get to know you more? I am twenty one years old and is form Compton. I am looking for someone I can be in a long term relationship with so if you are interested get back at me…. and i like ur simle and ur eyes do you go with some 1 if not are you look in and i am sweet and nice i like to write songs raps and pomes and i keep it real all the time and i dont cheat i just want to be with some 1 i can be happy with so if u look n for the same get back i would like 2 get 2 know u i dont know u but its some thing about u i am feel n i dont b on her like that but i would like 2 talk 2 u and get 2 know u and c what u about if it is ok can u call me if u want 2 get 2 know me xxx-xxx-xxxx i dont give out my # but it something abut u and it Because you’re BeautifulThis poem’s addressed To you Because you’re beautiful No matter whatYou do Because you’re beautiful The sun rises Every day Because you’re beautiful The mist shrouds a Dreamy day Because you’re beautiful blossom blooms and holds Its scent Because you’re beautifulSongs sung in your heart Are meant Because you’re beautiful Reflections shine And glint Because you’re beautiful Poems are writtenHeaven sent Because you are beautifulThis is all that this Poem’s said Just in case you may have Any doubt This poem’s heaven sent To tell you You are beautiful How can one smile such sweet smiles, When one is so saddened by sorrows for miles, How can I smile the same smiles, When life brings me nothing but tears, I wondered for so long, What reason you had to smile that long, To keep smiling though troubles come, And still remain sweet and silently overcome, It’s such a mystery to me, Your smiles from heaven with glee, I adore and yet envy thee, But I’d rather you smile those at me, I feel happy when I see you smile, Even if I’m sad and lonely, Your smiles bring me somewhere, I don’t even know where,But it was you, You gave me the reason to smile, To smile with no reason, To smile for a smile, I guess life is just like that, We need not a reason to smile, For a smile is the reason itself, To rejoice and open-heartedly give thanks, I learned to smile because of you, Because your smiles bring me joy when blue, It proves how well and powerful, A simple sweet smile can become so beautiful, Smile for the sake of a smile, Smile for the sake of happiness, Smile for the sake of life,Smile because of hope left in life, Smile my friends, Smile for me my Love, Smile those same sweet smiles, Smile so the world can be a peaceful dove

My response:
You already tried this routine on me once. Figure out where the period key is and I’ll suck you dry, spazz.

Him:
ok ub can call me if u like my name is michal my # is xxx-xxx-xxxx

Me:
I think we need to have sex immediately.

Him:
o so call me if u want 2 talk xxx-xxx-xxxx

Me:
Grab yo lump, and stick in mah rump, chump.

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