Seizure man
by menstrual_sweatpants_disco on Feb.19, 2009, under GhettoPhresh
Identity used for this conversation:
“GhettoPhresh”
Victim’s name:
BIGK SHADY PORC
Photo:
Message he sent me:
how are u doin,how was your day.are u involved with anybody are do u have a maqn and if u dont are u lookin for one.i just stop by to show u some luv.hit me bacc ok please,please,please,please,please,please,please,please.
My response:
niiga, you’s fine. how u do?
holla
Lakendra.
Him:
SO BEAUTIFUL CAN I GET 2 KNOW U AND AFTER I GET 2 KNOW U CAN I BE THE 1 4 U AFTER THAT IF ITS OK WITH U BEAUTIFUL
Me:
aight nicca, i give you’s a shot. so wut u into?
wats fresh?
Him:
NOTHING TRYING 2 GET 2 KNOW U IF ITS OK WITH U
SO BEAUTIFUL what’s ur name
where do u stay
hyow old r u
what type of man do u like
do u have any kids
what r ur like and dislike
do u have any tats r piercings
do u have a job r a car
r u a freak
do u wear thongs r g-strings
do u play with yourself dont get mad ok
do u have phone sex dont get mad ok.
u can ask me question 2 ok
hit me bacc please,please,please,please,please.
Me:
SO BEAUTIFUL what’s ur name
Lakendra
where do u stay
i’s ova in compton
hyow old r u
im how eva old u want me 2 bE lol!
what type of man do u like
depends!
do u have any kids
nope
what r ur like and dislike
i like grape soda and i hate tawkin in real English
do u have any tats r piercings
I have a Cephalotripsy tattoo right above mah bootie
r u a freak
hammock rodeo sauce
do u wear thongs r g-strings
both
do u play with yourself dont get mad ok
only when I’m droppin a deuce on tha john
do u have phone sex dont get mad ok.
yes
so tell me about urself, nicca?
<3
Him:
i am 22 but i am turnin 23 on april,11 i am a aries
i stay in gardena ca
i like a woman that not a cheaters and not a golddigger. like 2 have fun like 2 play video games like 2 hang out and go places somtimes are like 2 watch movies and talk about there problemes.
no kids
my dislike is golddiggers and chears ,liers
i have 6 tats and both side of my ear piercings
i dont have no car but i have a job but shit goin slow so i am lookin 4 new job
i drink but i dont smoke weed nomore its been 3 years since i stop
is there anything else u want 2 know.
I never responded. Several months pass before I start it up again.
Me:
Sup playa? Long time no tawk.
Him:
i just been thinking about and trying to see wats good with me and u i thik we will make a good couple what u think.
holla bac.
Me:
oooooo, u a sweet thang. Im up for givin it a shot. We shuld go out sumtime. wear u gonna take me? :)
Him:
WELL I CANT REALLY DRIVE R DO NOTHING YET CUZ I HAD A SUIZURE AT WORK
SO DO U WANT TO BE MY G/F YES,NO R MAYBE
Me:
mmmmmm I love suizures
Him:
why u love suizures
so wats good with me ad u
Me:
Theys has good food. my bitchass loves me sum spagetty. mmmmmMMMMMM yowyy kaZOWWY!
Him:
i mean to tell u i had a seizures on july 9th
Me:
ohhh, Im sorree to here dat. Did u not pay ur car payyments or sumthing?
Him:
here my cell its xxx-xxx-xxxx call me r text me anytime k
Me:
I dont understand why u wont b mah boyfriend.
Him:
uz i can be that right man for that going to treat u right and be there for u
Me:
oh god, i dont understand why we cant be 2gether. why dont u lyke me?
Him:
i do like u cuz u r beautiful u seem like a can be a cool person 2 talk 2 ans its seem like we got somthing in common and i do want to be with the question is that do u want to be with me
Me:
i dooooooo want 2 b wit chu. soooo much! i jus dont no if i cans wait till u get outta prison. i am a woman and haves neeeeds
Him:
what the hell u told u i am in prison i am not in prison what is u talking about
Me:
i thot u said u was in prison? ur the one who told me. its ok if u r. i dont judge. we all make mistakes.
Him:
naw i said i cant drive ,smoke r drink cuz i had a seizures at work
do u know what a seizures is ha
Me:
it’s wen they takes stuff away frum u rite?
Him:
naw is when u fall out and be dizzy and dont know where u at
baby for the last time i am not in prison k
you r to beautiful 2 be single
u need a man that going to treat u right and be there for u and a man that is faithful to u like me and keep it real and a nice guy like me.and call and check up on u and lisen to ur problems and see how r u doing and is not all about sex and be with u for ur personlity.
Me:
so ifs u fall ova in prison all dizzy like, dont they steals ur stuff?
Him:
i am not in prison for the last time where r u getting this 4rm
Me:
I just don’t understand why you refuse to by my boyfriend.
Him:
so why u want me 2 be your boyfriend ha.holla bacc please,please,please,please
Me:
I want you inside of me while you’re having a seizure. I’m so fucking wet right now thinking about it.
Him:
so do u want to be my girlfriend yes r no and r u going to faithful 2 me
what do u have on right now
can i get ur cell phone number
can we have phone sex
Me:
mmmm. Right now all i havs on is a tight black thong & bra. and fishnet stalkings. I want u 2 tell me how u touch urself before i call u. :)
Him:
my big dcc is on super hard i will put my hand inside my boxer on grab my big dicc and go up and down on my big dicc and start playing with it
Him:
i want to be your boyfriend right now if its k with u
do u have myspace im
Him:
do u want to be my girlfriend
when r u going to be my girlfriend
why u dont want to be my girlfriend ha
This guy is out of his fucking mind.
Me:
mmmmm thats so hawt. Your bad grammar makes me soooo wet. Im touchin mah pussy right now. it feels so good. tell me more about ur big dicc…
Him:
WISHU CAN COME AND PLAY WITH THIS BIG DICC AND R START JACCING IT OFF R COME AND SIT AND RIDE THIS BIG DICC
CAN I PLAY WITH YOUR FAT PUSSY
Me:
ummmmm yes. I loev it whens u tawk dirty. i want 2 ride ur big dicc. wut will u do 2 me while im ridin u?
Him:
i want to have that rough sex and fucc u doggy style and choke u spank u and pull ur hair.kiss u and succ on ur tits and nipples and play with them
Me:
ohhhhhhhmygod yes! i loves it wen u talks dirty. i want u 2 play wit my dicc as yous has a seizure on me
Him:
you mean u want me 2 play with ur pussy that what u mean ha
so do u want to be my girlfriend yes r no.holla bacc please,please,please,please
Me:
uhhh, yes. My pussy. That’s what I mean. How foolish of me…
And yeaah, id luv 2 b ur girlfirnd :)
Him:
so we r girlfriend and boyfriend now and can i get your cell phone number if its k with u
Me:
I guess.
Him:
are u going to put me on ur top
here my cell phone number its xxx-xxx-xxxx call me r text me anytime k
Me:
I want us to have sex NOW.
Him:
ok so what do u have on right now cuz im naked and my big dick is super hard i want to lick u up and down until u say stop i want to succ ur nipples and i want to play with ur fat pussy and have ruff sex and fucc u doggy style
Me:
OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD YES, SLAP MY FAT PUSSY!
Him:
ok i will slap that faqt pussy
do u miss me and do u be thinking about me
Me:
I WAS thinking of you. I want to drink your AIDS so sexilly.
Him:
what was u thinking about and send me a pics of u in a thong
Me:
I want u 2 send me a pic first. i want 2 see u hard .
Him:
i dont have no cam
so please send me a pics r come and jack me off
Me:
YOU’RE A COP!
Him:
hll naw i am not a com
Me:
Can you prove it? sorry. I have to be sure if we’re going to meet up and have sex.
Him:
i dont have a cam on me and pluse look at my pics do i look like a damn cop.
Me:
sorry baby. u could be undacova. knocko maybe. im sorry 2 ask about dat stuff but I got in trouble once befo like dat. my fiance that i dated for 4 years turned out 2 be a knocko undacover. 1 night we were doin coke off of a toaster and he arrested me and the fbi stormed in and raped me.
Him:
hell naw im not the under cover .i dont either deal with them. so you be doing coke.
Me:
I havnt dun ne drugs in a long tyme. dat part of mah life i left behind. bein raped by cops still happens alot tho.
Him:
damn for real
Me:
Yeah. So when are we gonna fuck? We’ve been boyfriend & girlfriend for awhile now and my pussy’s goin dry. I need your big dicc in my fat pussy.
Him:
when ever i get better cuz im sicc right now
Me:
wut chu got? I want it too
Him:
i have a cold.talk dirty 2 me
Me:
I want to roll you in mud and rub motoroil into your taint.
Him:
OH OK WHAT ELSE
Me:
I’m gonna make u fix mah car and den not wash your hands and den make urself a sammwich. Maybe go joggin and not wear deodorant mmmmmmm
Him:
WHAT ELSE
Me:
Imma get a real sexy anteater and make it ticle your ass with its tongue. Then Imma smear goldfish crackers and chocolate milk all ova ur chest while I empty a hoover’s vaccum bag into your beard while I play with myself on my period.
FINALLY… he stopped responding.
Me:
I hope you had another seizure, you fucking fruitcake.
February 19th, 2009 on 8:33 pm
ahhaha what a freak
February 19th, 2009 on 10:12 pm
i hope he’s still available.
hiz bein mys tipe a man.
getn mii alz wet.
SNAGGLESNAGGLE CRUNCH
February 19th, 2009 on 10:20 pm
please please please please please.
… please shut the fuck up. old beggin ass..
YOUR A COP!
they always freak out, its shouldnt be that serious, if you know you are not a cop..
I love when you randomly say shit, but the best when you threaten their lives for no reason.. it gets me every time! I dont see it coming. and sometimes they take it.. AND GIVE YOU THEIR NUMBER! hahaha
trickazz captiancrunch bustahh.
February 20th, 2009 on 9:36 am
“i want to lick u up and down until u say stop”
Isn’t that a fucking song?
February 20th, 2009 on 11:27 am
It must be. He certainly didn’t write it. And it’s almost working sentence structure.
February 21st, 2009 on 3:20 am
It’s great stuff to read, I mean he constantly begs for approval and a girlfriend, all in a days work for this prick, ant eaters and tickling asses … nice haha!
February 22nd, 2009 on 2:55 am
I think this is your best one to date! I haven’t laughed so hard in ages.
‘I want you inside of me while you’re having a seizure. I’m so fucking wet right now thinking about it.’
That’s where I lost it, hahahaa…
February 22nd, 2009 on 11:40 am
He is fucking insane…
And that is a song..”I wanna lick you up and down, till you say stop”
I think its called Freak Me Baby.
I’m suprised that the dumbass knows what music is.
February 23rd, 2009 on 1:36 pm
wow. don’t we have a fuckin winner. He looks like he could be a Waynes brother.
February 23rd, 2009 on 9:46 pm
You should consider calling up some of these people and recording the conversations. Youtube? maybe just a wav file. That shit would be comedy gold. I recommend you call them up and just talk like you normally do. It would completely confuse them after you spend a few weeks tawkin’ lik u a do on tha intirnets, yo.
Wow.. I’m really bad at typing like that.
February 24th, 2009 on 6:37 am
I did consider that. Seems like too much work though, hah.
February 25th, 2009 on 3:44 am
yo that shit was weak son. get your game backk only takkl to niggas with brain damamge. he didnt use a fucking @ for a at all. get right nigga. bet you wrote that shit. nnnyukaaaaahhhh
February 25th, 2009 on 12:46 pm
I’ll fuck your face off.
February 26th, 2009 on 10:35 pm
This was a good one :) What am I saying, all these conversations are fucking funny!!!! You make me pee a little, everytime I read these shits!!!!
March 1st, 2009 on 3:49 am
Hahahahaha, these are great! Dem sum dumass nukkas out dere fo sho :P
March 3rd, 2009 on 2:14 pm
for some reason this made me think of my terri schiavo myspace. it was pretty epic. i got so much hate mail, and people posted so many formal complaints that tom personally messaged me and banned it. haha. maybe i should revive it. thanks for the laugh, this made my day.
March 3rd, 2009 on 6:42 pm
“i have a cold.talk dirty 2 me”
what a weirdo..
March 4th, 2009 on 7:53 am
terri schiavo myspace… ahahahah. That is fucking genius.
March 6th, 2009 on 12:48 am
“I hope you had another seizure, you fucking fruitcake.”
God. That’s FTW right there man.
March 9th, 2009 on 7:04 am
Wow. He is slow. Then he laughs when he thinks you don’t know what “a suizures is”. I read these and shake my head in disappointment in how dumb so-called functioning adults are.
March 21st, 2009 on 12:45 am
loved this one.. when you say several months pass how long did you let the fool sweat it out?… you know he was thinking about you the whole time. so i was just curious how long several months was
March 21st, 2009 on 6:16 pm
Me:
I want to roll you in mud and rub motoroil into your taint.
Him:
OH OK WHAT ELSE
this guy is fucking retarded! so god damn funny.
March 29th, 2009 on 2:28 am
HHAHAHAHAH THATS SO FCKING FUNNY LOL
April 3rd, 2009 on 12:19 pm
‘do u play with yourself dont get mad ok
only when I’m droppin a deuce on tha john’
fuckin classic man!
love your work.
April 17th, 2009 on 9:31 am
Lmfao! How do you come up with this? It’s Amazing!
September 1st, 2009 on 3:44 pm
Lmao being raped by cops happens still